In our lives, we all can end up carrying baggage or brokenness from our past. Brokenness is hurts and wrong ways of thinking from our past friendships, relationships, and experiences, much of it rooted in our early years, from our childhoods when we were young and most receptive life’s experiences, the good and the bad. Brokenness is anything that separates us from connecting with people around us – the ones who love us. Humility is the flint to put us in a position to deal with our brokenness. Without humility we are in no position to deal with our issues. A prideful person, doesn’t seek help, they seek their own understanding and medication which comes in many forms of damaging “solutions”: alcohol, sex, money, materialism and pornography.
Being humble is the first step. We must then identify our issues. Writing them down helps. Once we’ve given ourselves some time for healing, the next step is to seek counsel from a few trusted, loving and discerning people in our lives. A professional is recommended, as well. Professional counsellors are trained to identify the root of the issue, and provide techniques to help you deal with it. We should also seek to establish a mentor in our lives. This is someone we admire, is slightly older, more experienced, is caring, discerning and can lead us. Some people can be admired, but are not in a position to be a mentor. Your mentor also has to be willing and committed to you. When you find a mentor, show appreciation for them and their time, and make them an essential part of your life, seeking to meet every month for a time and then less frequently, but still using them as a readily available source for advice and direction in your big decisions. Throughout life we may separate from our mentor. This is okay, as we all change, as do our situations, but we must seek a new one, no matter how old we are.
We are all connected and designed to interact and discuss what’s going on in our hearts and minds. It was not intended we figure things out alone. Just by talking about it starts the healing process. Being honest and talking about our brokenness with others, always is a good investment. The more honest and transparent we are, the faster and more effective we can deal with our baggage and receive healing. We spare ourselves a lot of grief and wasted time. It’s not necessarily natural for most of us to go this route. It’s better to deal with our issues when we see glimpses of them coming to the surface. Because let’s face it. When we make a big mistake, hitting the wall and falling on our face isn’t fun. Getting back up is tough, and the process of forging ahead is still painful with the right attitude and support group. It’s not over though, and by no means will cause permanent damage to our reputation and sense of well being. They’ll just need to be rebuilt… slowly. Sometimes when our brokenness comes out we deeply hurt others and ourselves in the process and we beat ourselves up. This never helps. The key is admit the folly. Saying it out loud helps. And to forgive yourself daily, for as long as it takes. We all make mistakes, and in life it’s good to make them once a while. It builds character. Our mistakes, falling into the traps and being wounded (for a time), can be pillars in our lives. Let the lessons of your past be pillars you build your future on, strengthening you to help others, and make the world a better place.
Roots of our brokenness can be explained with Kevin’s example. Kevin has an issue with women. He seeks their attention to feel fulfilled and happy. He can’t keep a girlfriend for long, because he gets bored with the ones he’s with and wants a new one. It’s not that he wants to have dozens of different girlfriends, he just feels each one gets boring after a time and he can’t see being with them for the long term. Where Kevin’s roots of his issue lie is in his insecurity with himself. When he was young girls didn’t give him much attention, he was short and they laughed at how bad of dresser he was. When he finally got the nerve to get a girlfriend, after 3 months of dating he caught her in the arms of another guy. He was heartbroken, felt worthless and not good enough. Ever since then he hasn’t felt secure being in a relationship. If we go even deeper we find that Kevin had a series of traumatic experiences when he was young. These stunted his emotional development, and left him with anxiety and uncertainty. In his adult years, he continues to seek out attention from others, getting into relationships, but when he’s in one he fears being with the wrong person. In the end he ends up having his judgement clouded. Whether he should be with that person or not he can’t see clearly. Here’s what Kevin should do. He must get a mentor to help set his direction, a counsellor to help him deal with his hurts, going to the root of his issues, forgive himself and see himself as beautifully and fearfully made.
Our brokenness is like weeds seeking dominion in a garden. The weeds are our hurts, wrong ways of thinking. We are the plant. Our destiny is for it to reach the highest heights, and be strong and resilient. It’s difficult for a plant to reach its full potential with weeds flourishing around. Whenever there are weeds in a garden they must be plucked out, digging straight to the root. If you leave them, or just pick or cover the surface they will continue to grow, increasing in numbers, choking out the plant and covering up the intended beauty of the garden. We must deal with our hurts and baggage before it becomes too heavy to carry. When we expose our weeds we sever their power. The next step is to consult with our close friends and family about our issues, being diligent, strategic and aggressive with them. Counsel and mentoring empowers us the ability to “uproot” our brokenness. Similar to a weed, if you don’t go to the roots, the depth of its strength, the weed will grow back, and can often come back in a more devastating way. So if there are weeds in your garden, get your shovels out and start digging, and call a few friends in to help.