I’d like to think of this as a love letter to my future wife. I want to firmly establish the vision for her and the foundation of what our relationship is to be based on.
Love is free. It cannot be taken or forced. It is earned through trust and care. We must set ourselves up for it and diligently work at growing and developing it each day. Love is not self-seeking. It does not envy. It is not productive. It does not boast. It is kind. It is all encompassing and giving. It is done freely and abundantly. It takes effort to sustain and thrive, and it can grow more beautiful over time. Our goal should be that it always thrives.
Becoming the real you. I believe that as you age you ultimately will and should become a less self-seeking person. Most of us realize at some point that the ways of our youth were centered on ourselves. Being in a relationship is a catalyst for shitting this, but should happen much before a relationship begins. Some will say marriage is about sacrifice. I would disagree wit’s looking at it this way. It’s the same as looking at exercise as a painful experience to become a healthier you. Exercise is a great comparison. Its more a out feeling good and living a fulfilling life. Looking healthier is simply a benefit. In a marriage you should realize that you’ve made a sacred bond, you’ve become one body, one soul, and one mind. You are one. You wouldn’t sacrifice your arm or your leg. If you failed to love your entire body and appreciate each part as an essential part of yourself the parts ignored would become weak, malnourished and even possibly die. We must realize they are a part of you and must do all that is necessary to keep them alive, strong and healthy. The person you love becomes a part of you, merged with your very being. Inseparable. One flesh. One bone.
You’re not meant to be alone. There is a time for adventure, experience, and growth on our own. Exploring the depths of ourselves, culture, people and passions should be on everyone’s list, but there should eventually come a time in everyone’s life when it’s time to advance to the next phase. The next phase cannot be reached alone. The greatest men have had an even greater woman next to them and vice versa. Having someone with you is much like a business partner. Your business becomes stronger, more dynamic and vibrant. Two minds aligning with one heart and one vision.
Identify what matters. We must seek a bond with someone we love, not for exterior beauty, talent, fame, power or wealth. These things are temporal and won’t help love. They do not help the bond. They often limit it and are a distraction. We shound seek someone that is caring, genuinely loves us, loves others, is compassionate, life-giving, forward thinking, a team player and is not self-seeking. You don’t want a princess. She must be okay with living simply and being with you. Best friends. History shows us that those that live simple lives, with less, have better marriages and live more fulfilling lives. They cherish each other more, and the superficial things don’t get in the way.
Make these your priority and she will certainly be a contribtution to your life. She will make you a better person. She will help you become all that you were destined to be. And she will be lovely.